SUNDAY OR MONDAY: HUGS & PATS  ARE  A  MUST EVERYDAY

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Cinthya, a fifteen year old girl, came with a big smile and hugged her mother, “Hey! Mommy, what’s going on this evening?” She stood in the same hugging position for few seconds in the hope to get a warm hug back from her mother. But her mother didn’t even extend her hands to give Cinthya back a warm and caring touch rather very slowly she removed Cinthya’s hands from around her shoulders. After which, Cinthya sat on the chair kept next to her mother. Looking outside the balcony she said, “it’s been a long year... I miss going out with you and papa”. Cinthya’s mother gets up and while moving inside the room she says “Cinthya I have told you many times that now you are grown up and you should maintain physical distance from me. I don’t like these hugs and kisses and also I think that you don’t need them anymore... You are not a little girl.” Hearing this the big smile on Cinthya’s face fades away and after a while, she walks slowly back again into her room.

This is a common experience for adolescents. According to parents, providing their children with physical touch like a pat on the head, a small kiss on the cheeks, or a simple hug without any reason on a daily basis, is only necessary during early growth years. According to them, it is important for the mental health of children when they are young and this gesture helps in building stronger bonds with their younger children. But as children grow in age, these hugs and kisses are not required on a daily basis. We can express our love and care on some special occasions.

The important point here to note is that humans are in need of physical touch at all ages of their life. During times of stress, the body releases the cortisol hormone, which can result in increased heart rate, blood pressure, or respiration rate. Little hugs, kisses, or random pat on the head or shoulder give a sense of unconditional acceptance by the significant persons in an individual’s life and can help in reducing stress to a certain degree. The reason being, friendly and loving touch helps in the release of oxytocin, which helps in feeling good and decreases anxiety and fear.  

During the current pandemic when children are already stressed because of not being able to meet friends and being stuck in a house, these small gestures of hugs, pats, and kisses can help lift their mood and energy. Due to the social distancing during lockdown and Covid 19 pandemic, children might be feeling touch deprivation, which could be one of the reasons for their upset mood, anxiety, or fear. Therefore,   when children become anxious because of listening and seeing what goes on around them, letting your children know that taking precautions is necessary and not to lose hope is needed. Also to ease them down with your small gestures will surely result in better wellbeing at this moment in time.

Getting a pat on doing something good boosts the self-confidence of children but when you see your child sitting alone, or busy with online classes, or working late on assignments, you can give a hug to your child with a smile or a small pat on the shoulder which conveys nonverbally to the child that you are there to care for them and support them in difficult times. No matter what goes wrong, as parents you will stand by your children and support them to walk through the difficult times.